– Original date: 2015-11-30
– Labels: Other

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I said I was going to try and blog once a week and so far I haven’t failed but really, this is just week one so part of me wants to say that it doesn’t count until I’ve blogged every week for like a month or two. It was one of my friends who helped inspire me to write this.

I’ve always been a terrible penpal. Always. But sometimes talking to friends you’ve lost contact with can help. Last week I told you how depressed I was and I’ve noticed I complain a lot these days. My roommates drive me crazy, I’m broke, I’m sad, ect. I am trying to curb that. I decided on three steps to help get rid of my depression.

Step 1: Write more. I talked about in my last blog how I completely forgot about the blog and how I wasn’t even writing any of my fiction. Well, I picked up a new story because I’m not in the same mindset as I was when I’ve been working on the others. I don’t want that to influence anything. I have a specific idea for where this new story will go and thankful it isn’t designed as a series as my other two are. Writing a series is hard work. I want to travel more and to write more about my travels, but the money thing is an issue and so I’ve got to work on that. Speaking of working on things, that brings me to step 2.

Step 2: Fix as much as I can and let go of the rest. I’ve always struggled with weight issues and insecurities. There are things I can change, things I can work on and things I can’t. I’ve always known that if my weight was something I actually cared about changing then I would. But I’ve had these same issues for almost 15 years and I haven’t fixed it yet. “When I win the lotto…” is something I say a lot. But I never buy a ticket so its kind of hard to win. My social anxiety, my unwillingness to actually go out of my comfort zone unless I’m forced to talk to people, that won’t ever go away. I work on it, it’s a struggle, but I work on it. I can’t tell if it improves but I hope. Other than money issues those are my two biggest things and only one of them is something I can really control. Everything else is just…stress for no reason. But sometimes stress builds up and I need someone to talk me down from the ledge so to say. That brings me to step number three and what this blog is mainly about.

Step 3: Talk to my friends more. I couldn’t afford my phone this month but the internet was still available. I can still communicate with them that way. I didn’t feel like I could talk to my friend whom I live with. So I talked to my three best friends from California.

Kevin can always cheer me up because he is just hilarious. We can laugh and be silly and be stupid and it doesn’t matter if it is embarrassing. He brings out the kid in me. We’d go out almost every weekend and since I haven’t gone out but once since I’ve been to Texas that’s been missing from my life.

Amanda is someone I can bounce boy troubles off of. I’ll help her with hers and she helps me with mine. We met in beauty school so I haven’t known her that long but I know her pretty well and that’s what is important.

Jon however is a different situation. We are ex’s I guess because there is a history. He was my first everything, even though we never have technically dated and I’ve known him over 10 years now. He sent me something on facebook asking if my number changed because he tried to get ahold of me. So I explained and he was like “I’m going to message you.” He knew something wasn’t right. Knew I needed to talk and he was there for me.  I’ve embarrassed him by dedicating books to him before and where I read chapters from said book in front of a ton of people because I won an award for it. But talking with him reminded me of how important it is to surround yourself with good people because I did feel better after talking with him and even though he said he didn’t know how to help and I said that I wasn’t sure there was anything he could do; he did by just saying he was there for me.

Most people isolate themselves to heal themselves but human beings need other human beings. We need each other to coexist, to heal and to love – otherwise we wouldn’t. We wouldn’t care about romance or companionship or each other. Doing everything alone is tough. It is almost impossible to face any kind of hardship alone. That is why being with someone else is so ideal. You can share in each others burdens to not feel them full force. It’s a gift for someone else to want to be there for you, so accept it when it is offered and do not be afraid to ask. Sometimes we are so good at hiding that we need help that people don’t know. Often for me, that’s the point. I don’t want people to ask and I don’t want to tell them but I’ve gotten better at asking and accepting help.

Just having conversations with people I’m so used to having around or leaning on has helped me feel better. Writing has helped me feel better. It’s a great way to channel energies and it gives me something to focus on. A goal to work towards even. Does anyone have anything like that in their lives? I’d definitely be interested in seeing what everyone else uses to get them through tough times.

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