– Original date: 2016-04-04
– Labels: Relationship, Personal

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Since the last time I wrote about my relationship, a lot has happened, like I’m in one and I got that apology I talked about. I’d like to catch you guys up briefly and then move onto what the blog topic is actually about; my long distance relationship and the steep learning curve I had to overcome (hint: lots of research was involved).

To start off with, the last blog about my relationship did not really have a happy ending. Since then I have seen and made up with the guy from that post who I can now proudly call my boyfriend without fear that he is going to say, “whoa slow down, who said anything about that?” as guys tend to freak out when you try and label things way too soon. The readers digest version of it went something like we met up on St Patricks day for a hockey game we bought tickets to in the beginning of February before what I refer to as “The Bad Weekend.” We had a talk after the Bad Weekend and he said he wanted to be alone. We decided to go as friends to the hockey game since that would be the easiest thing. I went. We got drinks after, I got rip roaring drunk because I couldn’t stand the pain of being around him without being able to hold his hand or be jealous or whatever and I ended up crying, we talked things through and even though I went to the hockey game with the intention of never seeing him again after, something had changed. I was confused, he was being contradictory to everything he had previously said. Suddenly, he was confused and he regretted saying he wanted to be alone and maybe he wanted to try and as the weekend progressed he leaned more and more towards being in a relationship until finally, after three days of talking and talking and talking we suddenly were a couple.

First thing I’ve learned is that long distance relationships are harder than regular relationships! It is almost like putting yourself through emotional torture. But what choice do you have when you like or love who you like or love and they live X hours & Y miles away? In  my case, 4.5 hours and 288.9 miles away. I’ve never been in a long distance relationship and he has been in several and his experiences have all been negative. I can understand why he was apprehensive about starting something with me. Had I known how hard it was going to be I may have put more thought into it. But like I said, what choice do you have? You do not get to pick who you fall for, it just kind of happens and you have to make it work or if you can’t cut your ties. You’d think it would be easy when you live X hours and Y miles away but your mind and your heart do not have the same boundaries that your physical body has.

Secondly, it is give and take. Yes it is driving distance and we make monthly trips to see each other. I go to him and the next month he comes to me. We plan out activities and we do couple things like early morning snuggles and hand holding. He tells me what he needs/wants and I let him know what I need/want. We even had a topic about baby names where he put his foot down and was adamant on one name for a girl which I turned my nose up at (he didn’t have a boys name picked out) and I conceded only if the middle name was after my grandpa (Louise for a girl or Louis for a boy) and wouldn’t you know it he said ok. 🙂

Furthermore, we have a lot to work on when it comes to talking about things! Communication is hard with us. I talk too much and he’s super quiet. I overthink everything and he thinks thinking is going to kill this. To be honest, he is probably right. We are very Ying and Yang but I am not sure if that makes our pieces fit. I want to explore the idea that our pieces are a perfect match and thankfully so does he.

It is completely different when I am around him. I can sense his emotions and he can sense mine, we can physically make up and bond and I can show my affection instead of just telling him and vise versa. The distance however makes it impossible to know what he is doing, how he is feeling, ect. He got sick and somehow got on a nocturnal schedule so I would text and get no response  and I was worried since he just wasn’t responding. But he wasn’t responding because he was up at 3am and didn’t want to wake me knowing that I sleep very lightly and wouldn’t go back to sleep. He was being thoughtful but I was angry that he didn’t just send me an “I’m ok” text. I was over thinking things and stressing myself out. He didn’t see why it was a big deal so I had to tell him what I needed from him.

Also, it never gets easier to leave and go back home. I recently read an article about separation anxiety and with my background in psychology helping to put it in perspective, well, it made the experiences I am having with my relationship seem less like it is me being crazy and more like a legitimate issue. When the weekend is over and it is back to business as usual and I spend half my drive back crying and when he leaves I spend a good 4.5 hours worrying that he made it home safe, literally waiting by the phone for the ding that will soothe all my worries. After that ding I wait for another ding and another and another and finally it’s Sunday when we have our Skype date and I get to hear his voice and his laugh and it soothes my soul in ways I did not know before.

Thankfully we are working on all of these issues, both separately and together. Its hard work but I think it will be worth it. We’ve recently talked about me moving to Houston. I think it is a bigger conversation for a later time but it is a possibility to explore. When and if that happens I won’t have any more wisdom to share except for maybe tips on how to go from all the space in the world to way too close too soon and how to get back some independence. But for now I am just going to enjoy life.

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